tots =[

hello ppl! din blog for quite some time.coz of holiodays n camp.haha initially wanted to let my blog rot a while de but den can't control.haf lots of tots in my mind n i wan it all out in my blog.my mind can't take it anymore le!

ppl, let me ask u. wat do u tink abt me? or mayb, wat is edna like in ur mind? can tell me?

i realli tink i haf split personalities la.just like wat va n qh usualli say last time. i'm confused of myslef.i dunno who i am.i dunno wat i am.aft the sort of little game durin camp where there's a piece of paper tat nid u to rite down ur 'characteristics' tat is known to others or nt known to others or others know abt but u urself dunno, i started tinking who m i actualli?

sometimes i can be like happy go lucky, spastic, cheerful, crappy but sometimes i can b so emotional damn quiet, restless.u will nv noe wat i'm thinking.i dun even noe wat i'm thinking myself la. always trapped in the dark feeling so lost n lonely.i'm scared!

i dunno wat i want or mayb i noe but sometings i tried my best to get it but i can't.i gave up but still wishing for it back.waiting is a way u test ur patience.yup.right.

these few days aft bein sick for like so long.aft eating lots of medicine until i'm so scared of them, i became so blur.i became so restless.i realised i'm loosing my sense of directions in life.i feel like no one care.noone to turn to.i feel like i'm fighting the illness by myself.n i'm gonna lose the battle soon.no more chance of winning.the percentage of winning is 0.

i even came back frm camp on the 1st day but at least at night la.last time de edna will nv give up so easily de.i will endure until even can't endure i will still endure de.but now me is like head pain n fever haf to go back le n can't even managed to go back the next day coz leg muscles r aching n haf to take double the time to go out n get my lunch than the usual time.i felt like i'm crawling like a baby to go buy food la.i felt so shi bai u noe.!!! i'm a true failure!i've became so damn weak le.i dun wan! i wan last time de edna to be back.the strong n real me!

though i'm oso thinking n missing everyone but i can still go n comfort qh to list out a lot of reasons for y some ppl can't go to the movies wif us.n to take things more easily.to let the time past n soon everyting will b bac to normal or mayb most of the tings will ba.y must i be so le guan lei? coz of my frens.i wan to b their clown.to cheer them up.to be their rainbow tat will come out aft every downpour.to give them a reason to smile.every morning when i wake up, the first ting i will tell myself is tat i will change to b a better person.today will b a better day.there's no reason for me to frown.

whenever i became so spastic n saw the smile on whoever face.i will feel happy too.

to qh:
like i always say.look at the brighter side but sometimes i always failed to la.sorry.time realli will change everyting.though u will nt noe to the better or worse but den juz hope for the best lo.though god has planned our life for us but it is up to us to change some of tings.missin some ppl r realli terrible n it's oso terrible if they haf changed but u might changed them back or not juz look towards ur future nt the past lo.say is simple but when u niod to do is difficult but no matter wat we'll b always goin thru it together.so dun worry!
ay now u same as me le.kip throwing coin to decide on tings.haha

to ks jie:
i so miss u a lot.heard u got miss me too.tat's enuf for me le.like i say though we met durin the camp but the time is realli short.it's onli a few minutes n gone.no more ks jie jie to be seen le.plus i went bac at nite so can't even c u durin the other 2 days.so sad.but to noe tat u r workin hard for ur camp n i'm always there to support u.i can onli wei ni jiayou.the others is up to u to prove urself le.hope next year our [qh u n me]frenship will still remain the same n nv drift!

to sk mummy:
mummy.nu er hen xiang ni.quite some time no c le.actualli, the other time when we had so mani reunion lunch n work,we'll b always seeing each other but den when the time past, we din communicate wif each other le. i hate tis! n is like the feelin of bein close n den 'pop' everyting juz disappeared le.but den the memories of me hitting u will always be in my mind de.

to va:
i still miss u! phew camp is over! i dun wan to b bunk ic ever again! ay good job day ic! most enthu award winner!haha the same as ks but better than him.at least i c u for a longer period of time.but den tis is like onli some catching up time.i still miss u terribly!

to sam:
sam! i need ur hug terribly. i noe i wan to cry again.i need u! i miss u! emotional girl.both of us r.tat's y whenever i cry i nid ur hug to warm me up.

to yilin cyn arifin xx......:
i miss u all! no matter is the way of loving or bullying me.i still miss u all!

Actualli is miss 22o6 ba.holidays r always like tat .nvm.once sch reopen everyting will b better.but sometimes i'm thinkin. is realli can't make it cos got some other plans or juz dun wan to go wif us.dun hai me findin excuses for u all n in the end is one way or another hurting myself.