back.

yeps. hello ppl. i'm back. aft the period of depressionn n stress?

it has been a long hectic week full of test. i screwed up most of them seriously.feel like i can't do well in my tests n exams anymore. i did try hard but den whenever i sat for the paper, my mind just shut off. i asked myself wat if i can't maintain my standard anymore? wat if i began to fail ots of subs? wat if my parents were disappointed n scold me until i wan to run away from home? wat if i realli give up? at if this n wat if tat? kept reflecting n ponder abt lots of things.

like qh said before when one lose interest in things one will nv do well in tat thing. n now i can realli feel it.i'm in that situation right now. i just dun wan to think abt studies or even other things. i'm starting to give up my studies n put more effort in my cca. i'm still in the right mind to know tat this year is an important for us to start putting all ur effort in ur studies n start preparing for the o level but right noe i began to decreae my pace goin to stop in the long run soon.goin to give up n just sit at one corner to rest cause i'm so so so tired, no more breath, no more hope n last of all no more motivation.

wat if i'm so gd in my studies n i can't get the happiness i wan? wat if i do well in lots of things but in the end my frens just seem to drift away from u? the sense of belonging has disappeared. i felt the pain n the tiredness. i'm losing the strength to held on tight. mayb the thing is tat i shld work hard for one more year n everything will b ok for me.but how to?

y izzit tat whenever i need u, u r not there? y izzit that whenever things started to brighten up den it will just descend like one is sitting on the steepy slipery slide?y izzit tat the word forever is erased from my dictionary? y izzit tat i felt tat i'm hopeless n lonely now? y izzit tat i felt tat i'm just like an old lady without the strength n energy to move on? y m i stuck in this situation? y izzit tat life must b so unfair for some ppl while the others could enjoy it?

i will always think tat i shld not haf grow up if i know tat this journey is so long n difficult to go through.i regretted tat i din some things when i was able to n now i can't do it anymore n i start to regret.

changes is all ard us. if onli i'm bac to my childhood days where i could see those cheerful face n ppl i will not fear of. without any troubles, without much thing to think n decide.

can we just settle things harmoniously? can we reduce the conflicts among each other? can we just change bac to the gd n nice ppl we once were? can we just do wat we shld do n dun do wat we shld not do? can we? can we?

can ppl realli change if they promise to? can ppl just listen to wat one another haf to say before judging on things? can we work together to at least create n leave us a nice memory instead of having to worry so much until the day we haf to separate?
things shld just b like in the past. if onli we think properly before we do things we will not haf to suffer like now. hope everything gets better. i dun wan to leave with regrets.hope i will not feel so left out ever again. pls. i love my frens, i dun wan to hurt them so dun let me do this!