envied.

congrats to those who have endured through around 3 weeks of training to become a CLT or CI.from what i know they are:
qinjie
calvin
weili
zhanhong
junli
raynor.
i guessed so? cox i always get to see them taking their unit when i'm in school.
but for those air guys i'm not so sure.
one by one, they graduated or passed their courses.
sometimes i do envy them.
whenever i see them, i would have this strong feeling, hoping that i'm already a VI.joining them in continuing to groom the cadets and see the unit prosper even more.n also enjoy being a UGian.
but the truth hurts.
i'm not a VI.
it's like i woke up from my dream n realised tat i'm not.
there are some other things that r holding me back all along.
i dont know how should i phrase it.
i want to be a VI not bcoz of the authority tat i would have.
all the while i've been thinking...
can i serve the unit withour authority?
will the cadets listen to you?
or will they only respect those with ranks?
actually this problem have been troubling some of us for quite some time.
it's disheartening and disappointing.
it made me confused.
whenever i see the light of hope again then it'll be covered by the clouds once more.
those problems r forever there.
i can't make a decision.
maybe you will think tat i think too much but when you experience this,you wont think it this way.

izzit enough to only give advices?
i know i should show by actions but now i'm not in the state to.
there are limited things that i can do now.
sometimes i really felt so helpless and useless.

i can only say you will understand when you get older.