depressed.

results were out.
congrats to those who did well n could get into a gd jc or could take up the course that they wanted in poly.
well, cheer up for the rest!it includes me la.
i really dunno why ppl were congratulating me;why my dad says keep it up when i got a c5 for eng.why my parents were kind of nonchalant abt it.
why they are forcing me to get into a lousy jc just because it's nearby.
no matter what i'm sure i'll still make my own decision.
that's one of the reason why i felt so lost.
cause i cant get good advices from them.
i've got to make my own decision.
and what if i'm going to regret in the future?

not i didnt expect this result but i just wish to get into nyjc.

all so confused n frustrated now.
needed all my friend's suppot now.
it's tough.
i woke up in the morning feeling so lost.
suddenly felt like i've no goal in life.
nothing for me to anticipate now.
i forced myself to sleep but i cant.
i would rather sleep on n not think abt anything.
but in actual fact, there's still lots to do.
lots of thinking to do n decisions to be made.

why must things happened altogether at one go.
i cant handle it.
i want to surrender.
i dont want to perservere on.
i wanted to cry in the bus ystd but i controlled n hold back my tears.
times n times, i'm on the verge to cry but i told myself i've got to be strong.
my tears just couldnt stop flowing ystd.
i wanted to hug someone n cry just like i always do last time but i cant really find anyone to n i'm afraid if i did that, i would really cry non stop.
at many point of time, i felt so lost, realising that i'm standing in the middle of the hall not knowing what to do.nobody to turn to.
the feeling of fear gripped me all over.

when things happened, it's not within my control.
i just couldnt help it but let go.
so what if i din?
will it still be the same?
i'm also very miserable right now.
i've got to be nonchalant n act ignorant cause i dunno what to do.
what more can i do?
the more i care, the more heartbroken i'll be.
i just dunno what to say.
can i just dun care abt it?

things always occured to make me drift from others.
i hate this but i've got to follow my heart?
should i be selfish?
no, i shouldnt.that's not me!
wary of every step i take.
so confused right now.
but i'll fight for it.
till i'm defeated?

stress!!!
can anyone tell me what to do?
i want back the happy me!
i'm afraid i'll just isolate myself again.
fake front.
i dun like it!