feeling lonely.

Hais. have been neglecting my blog for quite some time. only update about birthdays and notice for gathering. I'm so sorry blog!
What now?
Have been busy with NDP trainings lately and also some catching up with the girls and class gathering. Other than that, i really have no motivation to do my tutorials.
I've updated 22o6 gathering photos on facebook and i'm left with POP photos. But blogger is giving me a lot of problem. i can only upload 2 to 4 photos a day when i've like more than 30 photos i think. We'll see how it goes. Maybe, i'll upload them on facebook.Yup, i know it's quite some time ago le. I remembered that day, Dinie, Jinzhi, Kaisheng and me took a cab down to NP as we were rushing for our 1st INFA test on a saturday. It's all because of me, i want to watch their parade till the NCOs shout their cheer before i'm ready to leave. That's why we had to rush. sorry guys! but i know you wont mind right. Haha.
I think i din do well for the test. All i can think of was to rush back for their farewell party. This year, it seems like a happy party as compared to last year.
However, not knowing why, yilin and i cried when we saw the video, the part when the sec 3s started making their speech (it comes with the video ya). Their NCOs din even cry. So it seems like we were so retarded. Not our farewell but how come we cried? How come we felt so much?
Perhaps, it's because our girls finally grow up and become madms le.The ones that we groomed. The ones that we put in all our best to change, to teach them how to be a better person, a better leader.
It was just like ystd when they were still calling us madms, though some of them still do (sometimes), and now their juniors are calling them madms le. Oh my! This shows how time flies man.
Hey, i'm reminded that i'm quite old now. It was my 5th time attending POP and farewell party.oh no. That's fast.

To the new batch of NCOs (sec3s): I felt great seeing you people taking over. Please be matured, not as childish as last time k? Be a leader that knows right from wrong, set examples, be sure that you are able to do before you command your cadets to do anything. Be reasonable and admit your mistakes if you made any. Never give up on your cadets. Be with them. Always be prepared to serve and to lead. There's a lot more but i shall stop here. It's for you to find out on your own through this journey. That photo album that i gave you are the memories that you shared throughout these years. There are a few more pages, it's for you to fill up cause your journey has not come to an end but it's another new beginning for you. I cant be always there to help you to fill up all these. So i shall leave it with you. Please treasure it just like how you treasure your friendships. The rainbow wont be complete if any one of the colours disappear. Remember this: Each and every single one of you are important, my 7 dwarfs. =D

To my sec 4s (upgrade to seniors le): I know it has been really tough for you all. So little people but you did really well. EUA and CSA gold leh! and Arts Fest too. Champion. So proud of you. You never let us down. I remembered you all asking me about how i feel when it's nearing POP or after i stepped down and now you all know that feeling. It's a sign of relieved but a feeling of emptiness, i can say. That feeling of not wanting to let go. It's not the end yet. I still have lots that i've not done yet. And a whole lot of missing. There are so many people and so many things that you will miss. Like what will my fridays be like? I miss them so much. Hey i want my PT. How can i live without being busy with Red Cross stuff? chionging proposals, EUA, CSA till late at night, training plans, think of ways to improve the trainings and so on. Oh my, all these just remind me of the things that i've missed so much. it has been a year, yet i can’t forget. Qh, i wont forget those days. Chiong Chiong Chiong! Hey, but still, when it's time to let go for the time being, just do it. Let's just focus on your studies first.
At first, we were not that close. Even when you were sec2s and we were sec3s but as the time goes by or after i passed out, going back as a senior, i've learnt a lot. I began to know you all better and form a special bond with you all but it seems like it's a temporary one, an unstable one. I do not know how long this could last. It could just disappear any time.
Ohya, those msgs that i wrote for you are to be kept within you and me. I'm sorry for not writing nice nice msg on your farewell but those are the things that come from the bottom of my heart.

To the sec2s: You were my sec1s before i passed out. I've seen you grow too. I'm proud for those who have improved quite a lot. Most of you were quite soft spoken then but now i can hear some of you already. It's time for you to maximise your potential. Up till now, i see very little initiative, so you must really buck up on that. There's still time so use it wisely. Remember, you are your sec1s seniors now. You do not have your sec3s to shield you already. It's time for you to be independent and work hard together as a batch. The perfect 10 right? jiayous!

To the sec1s: There's a little bit of improvement here and there. That's good. Continue to learn and grow. You all are like little seeds that are just planted and I’m awaiting them to grow into nice flowers. But first, you must find your passion before you can excel. Must be obedient ok? Then i shall reward you all more. Cheers! Jiayou for your first proposal.

Nowadays, i would have this weird feeling every now and then. It sucks can. I dont want to feel like that but i cant control myself.
Loneliness?
Emptiness?
no motivation but yet i've achieved things that i've not done before.
that weird drive in me.
ironic....
slacking away when i know i shldnt be cox there's still things that i need to do.
wait till i've no time and i regret.
It shldnt be.
No regrets.
I cant find that someone to turn to.
I’m trapped in my own world. Not wanting to open up.

4km a day.....
So proud of myself.