the lamers!
My NDP tickets. is this the onli thing i'm working so hard for? the sacrifices? izzit worth onli this?
haf been looking at these photos non stop.whenever haf free time den look.weird la me.
felt like i'm regretting some thing. but i'm not sure wat it is.
hiding.telling.showing. wat's the use?
thinking of the past again.but it has all been stored as memories.life haf to move on no matter how difficult or tough.learning or trying veri hard to be a tough person.haf i made it? i wan to b someone tat can influence ppl.someone tat can change u.someone who can b veri calm in all things tat happened.someone who can solve all ur problems.someone tat can make a big impact in u.someone that can encorage n motivate.someone tat can be veri cheerful all day.can i do tat? did i do tat?
so far i've learn a few things le. i realli tried to control my tears in front of my cadets.m i proud of it?maybe.telling lots of ppl to act confident n hide ur fears, i'm oso trying to la.encourage ppl but first i haf to encourage myself.if i can't do it how do i expect ppl to do it la.
is anyone going thru this journey with me? sure there's lots but i felt like i'm the onli one walking alone working alone.somewhere the communication has broke down and there's a gigantic wall between the communication point or ppl n me.wat's this? a weird feeling.dun think anyone will understand la.
i dun mind to help u all do things if i do den u all will happie la but if i do le still c u all black face. wat's the use of doing?
there's more n more responsibilities for me to carry now.i'm not afraid of it but the thing is i'm afraid i will fail my job. coz i lack of confidence.
there's no way for u to read my mind n neither do i noe how to read ur mind.although we always say dun hide ur feelings but can we do it?
i hate a lot of things now.esp all the problems faced n things that i dun like to c or do.n the sacrifices tat haf to be made mani mani times juz bcoz of NDP.it's fun but it's tough having to give up other things n so on. they said we will b rewarded but i just can't c it yet! mayb it will come or maybe not. hate to miss the fun with u ppl n oso the chance to go for course n earn badges.hopefulli i can c the rewarding part of NDP soon.
there's lots of problems. friendship.cca ( being a NCO).studies.time management.parents n so on.
i just noe tat this few days as usual came back late everyday n bong go to bed at 10 plus.felt so sleepy.lose my energy.the energectic me.i felt tat i'm losing myself.feeling so empty inside n nth seems to please me now. drifting day by day.tell me, u tell me wat to do!
this is the onli place i can vent my anger n frustration.so bear wif it. i dun wish to let my problems affect anyone of u tat's y i wun complain too much in front of u all.tat's wat i'm trying to do.hopefulli u all noe the things tat i'm doin for u all.
if u dun tell me things den i dun wish to noe.i'll wait for u to tell me coz i hate to force ppl to le.i'm tired of tat so just wait for u to approach.coz if u wan to tell mi den u'll tell.there's no point to force ppl.
hardly can find anyone to tok to le.so busy doing so mani things.i seriously miss the carefree life i once had n the 'closeness' with ppl.
the enviroment change i'll learn to adapt.the onli thing is tat i wun be as happy as in the past.tat's all.
hais. red cross is so pathetic la. aft asking fin xx n bj to join for ndp den we can manage to fill up the squad.which is like 15 ppl.looking at the other ugs, they can just simply choose frm one bunch of ppl la.wat abt us? we can't even choose but to accept anything tat will do us gd.
cadets, pls pls pls go ask ur friends to join! for the sec ones, mayb u still dunno or can't c the importance but hopefulli u'll c it one day.but in the meanwhile just do wat i haf said la. be obedient k? =)
nth to say now le.just noe tat i'm avoiding lots of things.i've lose control of myself. noone noes wat's goin on neither do i. just wish tat i can find back my old me. staying happy is my motto for these days. learn to treasure is wat i wan to learn next.
when it's time to let go , i'll let go.when it's time to carry on, i'll carry on.it's time for me to buck up n carry on ba until i find a new route to take for this journey.until one day u finalli realise.until the day i got control of myself again.pls just take it as nth happen.thx!
time haf realli change everything!
the things tat i dun wish to lose just disappear like tat.how can i get it bac? snatch? no way la.
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