Failure

Giving up is so easy but getting to where you are today is difficult.
I hate myself for not being able to find back the old me.
The courageous one.
The one who is not afraid to try.
The one who could somehow or rather influence people.
The one who have a strong will and won't give up easily.
Where's my dtermination? Where's my courage? What are my goals?

yesterday night, I could not bring myself to sleep because of this issue.

I've lost my way. I've lost my direction. I've lost the stars that were always there to lead my way.
I'm such a failure. I don't have the confidence to take that single step.
i know that these negative thoughts wouldn't lead me to anywhere but i can't help but to look down on myself.
Although i've always tell myself not to give up but it's tempting. I really feel like giving up now.
Like what's the purpose for me to hang on?
It's actually the responsibility that made me stay on.

recently, i had a dream or should i say a nightmare?
I had a breakdown.
i cried in my dream.
The reason was because i've been shouldering lots of responsibilities till i couldn't take it anymore.
Up till now, that dream is still vividly etched in my mind.
It's just like what is happening in reality.
Perhaps i don't dare to think or cry in real life thus it happened in my dream.
I'm just afraid to face it.