Expectations

Recently, there's many things that happened. Not in a sense that it's eventful but there's lots of thinking and reflecting to do.
Sometimes, you might not know what exactly is going on but you are just following the flow.

Expectations, what are they?
It is actually defined as strong hopes or beliefs that something will happen or that you will get something that you want.
Have you ever wonder: is setting high expectations good?
to yourself and also the people around you.

Over these years, i've been trying my best to be impartial in almost everything i do and to everyone and i thought i did manage quite well but i guess i'm wrong.
Cause recently, some people told me that i'm biased. It's disheartening to hear that.
Although it might not be a serious matter to those who have said it, probably it might even be a joke to you but as for me, i do take it seriously cause that is one of my beliefs or expectation that i've set for myself.
I can only say that time would be a factor that affect all these.
When i thought that i should lower my expectations so that i won't be hurting anybody unknowingly but now it shows that i should set higher expectation for myself in order to achieve what i believe in. There shouldn't be any excuses.

Someone told me that red cross can't bring me anywhere. What matters most is studies and future career. Not that i don't understand this fact but of course i know this all along just that perhaps i don't really want to face it. The question "What is your dream?" was posted to me and i could not really answer. Simply put, i've not plan for my future. I'm just like one who is lost at the crossroads.
Actually using red cross is just an excuse. It should not be an excuse for my poor results. Cause i've always believe that no matter how difficult a task is, with the time and effort, your heart, mind and soul you put in, nothing is impossible, someday you will get your desired results. However, i've failed living up to my belief.

Having said that, redcross might not be able to bring me anywhere in the future but it has brought me to where i am now. It was once a platform that allowed me to gain my confidence, strength and motivation. The most important was the friendships forged not just within the batch but with other batches too. It has given me lots of opportunities to mature and grow and understand some things better. It was once the place that i could give my all/everything just to accomplish my goals that i've set for myself or even the unit. Up till now, i still admire the drive that i've once had.
I still remember how i've made my cadets run 2.4km or even more for most of the PTs cause my target was to ensure that everyone pass napfa and also how i've tried to make PT fun cause some cadets used to detest PT. Knowing that 2 of them needed lots of encouragement during their 2.4km test, i've made it a point to go down to run with them or at least stand by the side to encourage them for 3 years. I apologise for not being able to give my attention to every single one of you but to pay attention to those that needed it most. As for the rest, i know they can do it so i just leave them on their own, that's how they learnt how to be independent right.

Also, how i used to be very enthusiastic and plan team building games, do cheers just to boost the morale of my cadets and build the bond of the unit. buy drinks for them for FDC trainings or NDP trainings and do water parade together with those packet drinks instead of plain water.

how i ensure that i portrayed a good image in front of them, setting and leading by examples like the basics (wearing croc socks, tucking in shirts and adhering to all the rules that we set for them) being serious when i should and ensure the discipline in them. Earned and gained their respect instead of demanding it.(it's a difficult process) Instead of only imparting skills and values to my cadets, i also leanrt from them too. How they perservere on with their batchmates no matter how challenging the task that was given to them.

As for their studies wise, i can't be their tutor cause me myself is rather lousy when i reached upper sec. So the best i could do is to give them letter of encouragement.

one for all, all for one. the most common thing that we shared among the UGs. when we punished the cadets we do it too. Those were the values or expectations that i've set for myself after taking over the unit. I'm glad that i've done my best, not forgetting the help of my batchmates and some of the values that were imparted from the seniors.

Those were how much i've gained from AMKSSRCY. I really treasured those moments and wish that i could see all those now. Sad to say, i can't. redcross is the platform the i've gained many things from but it can also be the place where i lost all the valuable things that i once have. I don't think the present me could do the same thing that i've done in the past. Maybe that sense of responsibility is not as prominent now.

all in all, you won't know how important AMKSSRCY meant to me. Sometimes, i could act nonchalant but deep down in my heart, i really wish to see how we used to be in the past. Victories are not as mportant as the sense of ownership and belonging and most importantly, the bonding of the unit. They are just the incentives that we hope to get. Also, we should not forget the people that groomed us into what we are today or helped us along this long journey. We shouldn't take them for granted as they spent lots of time and effort for you. Do appreciate it and not regret when they are gone.

It's definitely nice recalling the past, your achievements and so on when you feel lost and confused to gain back that little bit of confidence.