my soulmate.

After the 2 hours straight of crying last Sunday, I told myself that I should refrain myself from doing that again (at least for a week) but I did it once again. I thought that I've learnt how to control my emotions but I guess it just gets worse day by day.

Yes, your alarm didn't ring, your phone ran out of batt and you couldn't meet me for lunch despite telling me that you would. Yes, I admit that I was a little angry but an apology is all that I need. I don't need you to give me all your reasons and then you apologize. It just seems like you are giving me excuses although I know that they are not. All I need from you is that you could take every opportunity for us to meet seriously and not let it slip off so easily and also not to break your little promises. Am I expecting too much?

Actually I wasn't surprised by what you did for me after work cause I have expected it. Well.... I wish that you would do that but of course I was really really happy that you actually came with the double chocolate and waited for me despite having to rush off to another place. I really felt so 幸福 at that point of time. Just as I type this, I think maybe my expectations are rather high. Sorry if I am giving you pressure. Hmmm... I guess I just want to feel my importance. I want to feel your love for me through your actions.

Why am I feeling that your actions are discouraging me to go the extra mile for this relationship but just to give my minimal? Don't you know that if someone willingly wait for you, she is also happy too? 等待也是一种幸福啊！ You don't have to feel guilty but of course you should, if you make her wait for you because you are late. I do know that I shouldn't feel that I'm a burden to you but sorry, that's exactly how I feel whenever you reject me. Maybe in future I shouldn't let you know how I feel. I guess trying to open up to you more is actually a wrong move.

I've been thinking about these for days. Shouldn't a relationship filled with more happy moments than sad ones? Shouldn't we cherish each other and treasure the time spent together instead of disappointing each other almost everyday? Shouldn't we give all that we have and go the extra mile for this relationship/each other? Why am I crying silently almost every night? Why is this relationship bringing me much more pain than happiness? Do you think that we need a break to sort things out and calm ourselves down? I really don't know what to expect anymore. I don't have the courage to do so too. I don't know how to face this anymore. Tell me, what do you want from me? What should I do?