my soulmate.

it has been 2 months and 22 days since i last blogged.

wow.

an achievement?

my mood now, at this instant is like 百感交集

thinking of lots and lots of stuffs.

hey POP is in 3 days time.

i don't know how i feel.

i think i just don't want to give up.

if you know me well, you'll know i won't let go.

not about authorities and stuff but i just want to be with my lovable cadets.

Red Cross is my life.

without it, i won't die but i would live in pain.

but i'm still in a dilemma.

whether to be a VI not.

my mum don't mind if i can manage both my studies and Red cross.

but now the thing is my studies.

i can't really manage.

my results sucks.

i can't stand it.

compare it to my lower sec results.

i hate my recent results.

the more i'm worried about my studies, the more i could not do well.

the more i study, the lesser marks i get.

perhaps i wasn't focus enough.

there's too much distractions and temptations.

i don't play PSP.

i don't use com unless needed for project.

i just don't know what's wrong with me.



my combined results for term 1 and term 2:

eng-D7

e math-A1

a math-B3

Chi-B4

Chem-C5

Combine sci-B3

Combined humanities-B4

L1r5:22

last term was 16.

my goal is 10.

i have to really buck up.

i need to let go before i can concentrate but it's tough.

i do not know if i have the strong determination to do it not.

whenever i'm so motivated to study, i can't find the time.

When i have some free time, i'll start to procrastinate.

i know i should not but i can't help it.



it's ending.the new chapter shall begin real soon.

i'm afraid.

i don't like having nothing on fridays after school.

i like the feeling when all ugs do footdrill at different parts of the school.

the school then is really lively.

these few days, a few cca went back school to practise for their POP, ROD etc.

i really like to sit there and watch them training.

i felt secure then.

i felt that this is where i belong, what i wanted.



i have to learn to let go.

having the memories is good enough.

sometimes i would have that stupid mindset that if only i can retain,i'll have another year to be in school, to be with my cadets, to find what i wanted.

ya it's stupid. i know.



but imagine fridays withour trainings.

fridays without staying back till the sky is dark.

life with only studies, books and nothing else.

no more busy life.

no more meetings.

no more staying back.

no place to destress.

no place to have fun and do cheers and shout and joke and laugh.

and most importantly,

no more the real me.



alright,

Happy Birthday to Mendi.

ops.now is 0019.

so it's belated.

and happy belated birthday to chongxi [270508]



if only,

我可以洒脱地面对这一切。



hais.for today, i can only say i'm always bullied by my beloved cadets.

我上辈子欠你们的！