my soulmate.

It has been almost a month plus since I last blogged.
I just feel that this blog resembles the people that I've neglected all this while.
I'm not sure if being busy is just an excuse for me, just because I'm trying to escape from something/someone.
I hate this feeling of being so selfish. Probably what I'm pursuing now is just what I want and I don't care about what others want anymore. Sorry is all that I can say but I know it's not enough. what everybody wants is actions not just words.
There's so many people I want to care for. So many people I want to share my love with but I can't. I can only focus on a group of people at one time. I don't have super power to split myself up to be everyone's guardian angel. Whenever I focus on each group of people, I would feel bad and guilty towards the other group. What can I do to escape from this misery? Someone, please enlighten me.

The higher you climb, the lonelier you may become. The fear is escalating each day with more and more huge responsibilities to shoulder. I don't know if I have the courage to hold on any longer. Yes, I want to be a role model to them. Yes, I want to show them that nothing is impossible if you believe and put your 100% effort, heart, mind and soul in the things you do. But the problem is, can I, myself do that? Do I have the faith and courage to stay strong in stressful situation? Am I able to lead them well and protect them with all my might?

What if one day, I would just walk away and leave everything behind? Will I even have the courage to do that? I think I just can't bear to leave them.
Till the day I dare to live my dreams and choose the ideal path that I actually wanted!